


and you'll blow us all away

by merthurxmalec



Category: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: IronDad and SpiderSon, Other, because infinity war hurt me, spoilers for Infinity War, this is just 1000 words of Tony crying about his son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-27 00:49:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merthurxmalec/pseuds/merthurxmalec
Summary: SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR"All this power, Mr Stark," he heard a voice in his head, "and yet you couldn’t save my life.""I didn’t," Tony thought. "I couldn’t."





	and you'll blow us all away

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to T for letting me cry as I come up with infinity war head canons :( 
> 
> This really isn't beta'd, I was just listening to Dear Theodosia and then this happened. 
> 
> (Title is also from Dear Theodosia.)

As the last bits of ash fluttered away with the wind, the red planet deserted except for a blue alien and a broken man, Tony felt nothing.

 

Now, this feeling of nothingness was not new to Tony Stark. He had felt it before, many times. Sometimes, he actively sought it out, because feeling nothing was always better than feeling something. Feeling something meant accepting his insecurities, accepting that he is a man who can lose everything, _has_ lost everything, and will continue to lose everything until the universe has exhausted him raw, until he has nothing more to give.

 

So yes, feeling something hurts. Feeling something has kept Tony awake long hours, trying to find solace in the arms of a stranger whose name he can’t even remember in the morning. Feeling something brought him anger as he remembered his father, who never saw him more than a step necessary for prosperity to the Stark name. Feeling something meant accepting the pain as he watched a man with a metal arm extinguish the life out of his parents, whom, despite their imperfections, he loved with all his heart. Feeling something meant acknowledging the betrayal as he helplessly watched the man he trusted and loved drive a shield into his chest.

 

So Tony kept himself numb.

 

It was isolating and lonely and he hated every minute of it, but he preferred it over the alternative.

 

But then he met him.

 

He, who could talk for hours and hours, going from topic A to Z in the matter of seconds.

 

He, a 16 year old boy who felt like he owed the world a debt because he got bitten by a radioactive spider on a field trip.

 

He, who is so pure and kind and lovable that Tony can sometimes scarcely believe that he is even real, that Tony managed to get so lucky that he met Peter Parker.

 

He, who turned to ash in Tony’s arms, because Tony was too useless to save him.

 

His kid died in his fucking arms and he couldn’t do a thing.

 

Tony cradled his hand against his chest, the faint glow from his arc reactor lighting up the dark flecks on his hand.

 

He cradled the ashes of his kid, his _son_ (because that is what Peter was, dammit!) to his chest and let himself feel numb in a way he had not done since Peter swinged into his life, literally, and took every inch of darkness that had long since embedded into Tony’s heart and turned it into light.

 

And as Tony laid in a foreign planet, exhausted from the sobs that wreaked his body as he tried to desperately cling to the ashes of his kid, Tony remembered a song Peter used to love to listen to whilst they would tweak in the lab.

 

_And you’ll blow us all away- someday, someday._

It was ironic, Tony mused, because that is what was happening at that moment. Because Peter was blowing away from Tony’s hands, literally, and all the money and the power and the intelligence in the world couldn’t allow Tony to just hang on to his kid.

 

His kid with his bright smile and chocolate eyes, who would never get to show the world his brilliance. His kid, who never got to ask that girl he liked out. He was going to do it next week, after their Decathlon competition, he had it all planned out. His kid, who was still waiting on his college acceptance letter, who freaked out every morning when the post man came even though Tony kept telling him that _of course you will get into MIT, Pete, who wouldn’t want you?!_

(And if Tony had already called the Dean and bragged about what an amazing asset Peter Benjamin Parker is to the world of science, no one needs to know.)

 

Peter had a whole world in front of him, a whole life. Tony had drifted off to sleep with the happy thought that he was privileged enough to witness a small part of that. That he got to take Peter on campus tours, that he got to be there as he got his first real crush, and relished in the fact that he may even be there when the kid fell in love and had perhaps even get married and have his own team of superheroes every bit as special as their father. He got to be the support he needed when Peter was sick or upset, that he got to see the kid progress against every obstacle the world threw his way. Tony Stark wasn’t stupid; he knew he could never protect the kid from the shittiness of the world, but he could ensure that Peter always rose from them, despite the odds.  

 

 _Looks like I did a fantastic job of it,_ Tony thought, as he stared down at the flecks of ash on his hands.

 

Yeah, Tony felt all of it. All the guilt and the pain and the loss and he didn’t have the energy to fight it. Not anymore.

 

So he did what he was best at.

 

He flipped the switch.

 

And then he looked up, meeting the glassy eyes of the Blue Woman who had shown him enough respect to let him grieve.

 

“We need to get back to your planet,” the Blue Woman- _Nebula, her name is Nebula,_ Tony thought- said, her voice soft yet mechanical and comforting in a way Tony had not anticipated.

 

“I can’t leave him alone,” Tony croaked out, his voice so weak he could hardly hear it himself.

 

“You have to go back, Stark” Nebula insisted again. “You can fix this, for everyone. For him.”

 

And just like that, the switch was flipped again.

 

Tony stood up, his eyes stern and commanding.

 

 _Because if I couldn’t save you, Pete,_ he thought, _I can sure as hell avenge you._


End file.
